For Life.

I didn't grow up an only child.  I am the only girl and I am the oldest.....by 5 and 7 years.  I remember fighting with my younger brothers; nothing physical, just a lot of screaming and yelling and sometimes name calling.  I remember fighting mostly because I thought they were terribly annoying.  My brothers would purposely say and do things to get me all riled up.  For example, my youngest brother, Andrew would say things (on purpose) that made no sense. The conversation would go something like this:

my brothers and me, 199?

Me: Shotgun!
Andrew: You can't sit in the front.
Me: Why?
Andrew: because this is a van and the seats are blue.
Me: That makes no sense.
Andrew: Yes it does.
Me: No, it doesn't.
Andrew: Yes.  This is a van and the seats are blue, so you can't sit in the front.
Me: Andrew!  That doesn't make any sense!
Andrew: Yes it does.

my brothers and me (with grandpa) 2012

We'd continue fighting back and forth.  I'd get so angry and annoyed that I'd be yelling, while sitting in the front seat, and he would be in the back just laughing and arguing back.  He seriously would do this all the time, about random things, and it would drive me and my other brother, Eric, bonkers.    No matter how annoying I thought they were or how much we argued and fought, if anyone else picked on them, I'd come to the rescue.  I remember several times boys my age would pick on Eric and I'd ream them.  No one was allowed to dish out crap to them except me.

Fast forward 20 years....I now have 3 kids and they pick on each other a million times a day it seems.  Arguments are happening on a moment by moment basis.  They annoy each other, can't stand each other, don't want to sit by each other at the dinner table, call each other "meanies".  Last fall, we had a situation arise that taught us all a good lesson.

My husband and I went out to dinner with our good friends and we decided to hire a babysitter together since our 3 kids and their 4 kids, all got along (and hey, it would save us some money, too!).   For the sake of anonymity, I will call their children by the names of "Joe" and "George". :)  I don't remember the exact issue that arose, but the gist of it was this:  My son Ethan and Joe were playing, teasing the babysitter.  I think they hid something from her?  George is a sweet boy and wanted to tell the sitter where they hid her thing.  He (George) went to tell her and Ethan and Joe, chased him down asking him not to tell.  Once they caught up to him, they tried to hold him back and he tripped (or they could have tackled him...Lord knows they're a bunch of boys)....when he was down, one of the boys sat on him to keep him down and the other pulled his pants down (only pants, not underwear).  George is a 10 year old boy and our sitter was a teenage girl, so he obviously got embarrassed and his feelings were hurt because he had been ganged up on.
When I found out about it later that night, I was incredibly upset at Ethan and had him apologize the next day and ask for George's forgiveness.  When I was talking to my friend about it the next day, each of us giving our children's explanations of the situation, she told me how they handled it.  Her husband had explained the importance of sticking together as brothers.  He told Joe that Ethan may be his best friend now, but that George was going to be his brother for life.  If George was ever to be put in a situation like that, Joe better be the one to stick up for him and stand by him no matter what.

I hadn't ever used those exact words with my kids, nor had I specifically thought of teaching them that, though I somehow expected them to innately know this.  Lesson learned for us....BIG TIME.  Crap....epic fail as a parent.  So, now, that's a common phrase in our house. I'm pretty sure they understood that before hand, but now I just want to be extra sure.

Ethan, Annie & Bella- 2011

*And for those of you wondering, yes, we did have a talk with Ethan in regards to respecting others and boundaries between playing and causing harm to others. :) He's a good boy.  Oh, and we're still friends with "Joe" and "George".

Boy, Oh Boy!

When I had my son, Ethan, my world was turned upside down.  He is my second born, so I walked into parenting him like a pro, thinking, I already have a 2 year old (a girl), I can certainly do this again and it will be easier.  Man, was I wrong!!

I think one of my favorite things about being a mother is that I get to experience raising both genders.  It's like a challenge for me to use different parts of my brain like a test.  It's been a bit rough.  I didn't know how to raise a son (and I'm still learning).  Boys have much different needs and desires and instincts....duh!  I didn't need anyone to tell me that, or so I thought.  When my oldest daughter was 17 months, I could entertain her by placing washable paint on the kitchen floor with a paint brush and paper and she'd paint to her little hearts content and actually stay on the paper.  I learned pretty fast that I couldn't do the same thing with Ethan.  He tried to eat the paint and he preferred to use his hands instead of brushes and paint the cabinets instead of paper.  And that would last all of 30 seconds before he was toddling off to the living room covered in paint.  *Ding!* (that's the light bulb going off in my head)  I had to parent him differently.

-He started climbing things at 6 months old.  No kidding...he'd climb chairs, stairs, tables, cabinets.   When he was 10 months old, I found him standing in the middle of the coffee table and then watched

 jumping off a log at the beach!

(in horror) as he attempted to jump off.  He was all over the place. Hind sight 20/20 I wish I could have just put him in a padded room and let him go at it.
-He is loud.  He gets excited easily and yells.  Even his normal voice is consistently 3 volume notches above the average person. His 2nd grade teacher told us in a conference, that no matter where Ethan was, he could hear Ethan's voice.  That's true.
-He is in love with reptiles.  Since the time he was 3 years old, I've had some sort of reptile living in my house.  In Tulsa, he would catch toads in our back yard and beg me to keep them as pets.  The best investment you can make as a mother of a boy?  A reptile habitat....nothing fancy, just a small glass aquarium.  We've had the same one for 6 years, and it has housed over 7 toads (not at once), 3 lizards and even a baby garter snake.  Though when he had the snake, the habitat stayed outside....I have boundaries for these kind of things!

his current reptile, "Recto-Slicer".

-He likes to collect "treasure".  I think it was Mark Twain that said something like, "There is a time in every boys life where he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure."  That's about right except Ethan doesn't have to dig to find it.  He sees treasure EVERY WHERE.  Consistently I find paperclips, rocks, bottle caps, random pieces of plastic, coins, springs, bolts, etc. in the pockets of his jeans.  I've begun saving them in a jar btw...I figure it will make a cool keepsake for him to show his kids one day. :)
-If I ask him to go get something downstairs, he will find the hardest way possible to make it to his destination and back.  Example: flip onto the couch, jump to the coffee table, jump over the carpet to the tile, crawl down the stairs head first, flip over the downstairs couch, jump off into a pile of blankets, while grabbing the spoon he left on the floor.  Then he will sprint back upstairs as fast as he can, throw it in the sink and say, "How fast was I?"  Oh, I forgot to mention he asked me to time him, too. :)

Ethan is just like Billy, from The Family Circus.

-He NEEDS to wrestle.  At random times through out the day, I am asked, "mommy, will you wrestle with me?"  If Mike isn't home and I can't at the moment, he wrestles either the dog or his sister (which inevitably ends up with her crying).  And when I say wrestle, I mean wrestle.  It's a good workout, but I always lose. ;)

Being a boy is hard work because I'm not fully convinced that they know what they need....even as they grow up and become men.  Do they know they need to conquer things?  To explore the unknown? Build things?  Destroy things?  I'm honestly not saying I think they should possibly do these things, I honestly think they NEED to do these things.  It's in their nature.  That's how they thrive. Beware parents, especially, mothers, if you don't provide a way for your son to do these things, he will find a way himself and I guarantee you it won't be not be safe or smart!!  Boys will thrive when given the freedom to do these things, and as their parent, you can provide a safe environment for them to do so. Give your son a shovel and let him dig a random hole in the yard!  Let him make mud castles and then stomp them down.  Go on a hike and let him lead the way (within reason!).  When your vacuum dies, give him a screw driver, hammer and eye protection and let him take it apart!

I love my boy!!

Thankfully, after being a mother to a little boy for 9 years, I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of it and understanding how his mind and body work. The key?  Keep him moving and keep him fed and give him lots of hugs.  That's it, well, at least I hope that continues into the future, and I think it may because it works for my husband, too! :)  Tire him out until he crashes and feed the little bugger every 1.5 hours....hahaha.

Old Lady Panties.

Funny story.  A few weeks ago, I was in the process of folding laundry and everyone in the family was around. The kids were all in a goofy mood.  My youngest, picked up a pair of my underwear (CLEAN) and threw them at her older brother. The conversation went like this:

Ethan: "ewww!!! Old lady panties!!!" (I will have you all know, they were red, lace thongs)
Me: "NO THEY'RE NOT!"  (I was really offended and defensive....haha....seriously, I was.)
Bella: "mom, you're old, so those are old lady panties."
Me: "I AM NOT OLD!"
Ethan and Bella: "yes you are."
Me: "NO I'm not!"
Bella: "mom, you are over 30, so that means you are 'middle aged'."
Ethan: "ya mom, you're middle aged."
Me: "who told you that??"
Bella: "I heard it on Wizards of Waverly Place...."
Me:  "That's not true.  I'm still young.  I'm only 33."
Ethan: "But you'll be 34 in a month and that's old."
Me: "I'm not old and I'm not middle aged."
Bella and Ethan: "yes you are.  You're middle aged."
Me: "I am not and if you say that again, you will be grounded for the rest of your life."
Bella and Ethan both laugh.
Me: "I'm serious.  And these are NOT old lady panties."

WHAT THE....????  When on earth did I become old and middle aged???  I'm a cool mom!  I dance with my kids...well, more like dance to them as they run away screaming, "Stop!"  I also have my nose pierced.....actually, I took that out several months ago.  I dress cool.....wait, I do have a cardigan in just about every color.  Holy crap....I'm getting older.  I'm a mom and to my kids, I'm old.  Wow....I didn't see that coming.  Ok.  To them I'm old but I still feel like I just graduated from college.  I can't believe it's been 14 years since then: 13 years of marriage, 3 kids, 5 moves...they're right.  Life moves on and one day, you'll blink and a decade has passed by.  Thankfully, those seconds, days, years, and decades are filled with smiles, happiness, love and family.  I love every stage that has gone by and I'm ready for the next....I am turning 34 in 10 days and I don't for one second wish I was younger.  I've embraced the years gone by, now I just need to embrace the wrinkles that are coming along with it....pssh, who am I kidding?  I'm ready for my first shot of botox. ;P

Btw, my kids are no longer allowed to watch Wizards of Waverly Place and I googled pictures of old lady panties and showed them to prove my point.

old lady panties

not old lady panties

Let Dad Be Dad.

I'm not sure if everyone's husband is like this, but my husband is just like another child...well, a more responsible child.  We live in (western) Washington state which means our house is surrounded by trees that are 100 ft. tall or more. Often in the summer, you can hear my husband and our older 2 kids playing outside, though when I step outside, I don't see them anywhere.  I hear them all calling me from the forest and I look up to see them in a huge pine tree of some sort....at least 30-40 feet up!  Ummm......honey?  I think that's high enough. Actually, that's about 40 feet higher than where I would like to see them, which is with both feet planted firmly on the ground.  He responds to my worried, questioning of his judgement, with an enthusiastic, "Don't worry babe!  I've taught them how to climb trees.  Always have 3 points of contact with the tree!" Uh, ok.

a camp out!

on the roof!

If you've had any contact with a boy in your life, you would have witnessed some crazy, wild, not well thought out action.  That's my husband.....raised in a family with 5 boys and 1 girl, he is quite adventurous to say the least.  That spirit of adventure has carried over into how he fathers our children.  From the time they could hold their head up, he was tossing them in the air.....the stronger they got, the higher he threw.  *He has never once dropped them or even come close.....though I feel the need to say DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. :)  Every time he threw them, I held my breath.  Every time I see them high in a tree, I give my husband the "look", although I'm sure he can't see it from way up there. There comes a point when we as moms need to let dads be dads.  Dads are fun. Dads are adventurous.  These characteristics build a strong relationship between them and their children.  I'm not saying let your husband act irresponsible with your children, placing them in the face of danger.  I'm saying trust your husband and don't be a helicopter mom, always hovering.  Let them have fun.  Let him teach the kids how to climb a tree.  Let him teach them not to be afraid of heights and snakes and bugs and being lost in the woods.  Let him teach them how to climb a ladder properly and how to be safe on the roof where you can have picnics, I might add. :)  Let them play catch with a football in the house.  Let them set up a 10 man tent in the formal living room. When you allow your husband to be the dad your children need him to be, you're allowing your husband to teach them.  My husband has taught my kids how to be secure and to overcome certain fears.  There is a point when I just trust him and believe he knows what he is doing and fun fills our family.

Over Achieving on Saturday, leads to an uggh Sunday.

I love holidays.  Actually, love might be an understatement.  It doesn't matter the holiday, I decorate and we do some sort of celebration.  St. Patrick's Day, 4th of July, Halloween, and of course the obvious ones like Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Easter proved no different this year, except I had 6 kids to entertain as opposed to 3.  My new siblings (13, 10 and 5 in ages) came down to celebrate with us, and with it being their first time experiencing a "Jensen" kind of holiday, I wanted to make it awesome for them.  So, on Saturday I had a list of activities for the kids to do, including:

-dying Easter eggs: 126 eggs to be exact- 21 for each child
-a confetti egg fight: A few days before I cleaned out 2 dozen egg shells, then stuffed them with confetti and taped the hole closed.
-a Resurrection Story scavenger hunt: outdoors on about 2 acres of land, ending at a real tomb Mike built in the forest. 
-a glow in the dark egg hunt: plastic eggs with glow bracelets and candy inside, hidden through out the yard.

Ok, as I write this I am thinking, "I am crazy. What was I thinking? Seriously."  I am not June Cleaver, but I tried to be. I actually had my house (except our master bedroom) clean, snacks for the kids made not bought, and I was showered, dressed and had make-up on.  (Obviously too much for one day.) One benefit to the day was I actually slept in until 9 and it was sunny outside, so that gave me energy.

making the confetti eggs

I woke up and needed to make the confetti eggs.  In my mind it was going to be easy.  All I had to do was cut tissue paper for confetti and stuff the eggs.  Ha!  Do you know how long it takes to cut confetti to fill 24 eggs?  42 minutes. Of cutting teeny, tiny pieces of confetti. 42 minutes. Thankfully being an art teacher in my early days had built up calluses on my fingers so I didn't get blisters from holding scissors that long.  I hadn't accounted spending over an hour to finish this project, but I pushed through. That was over achievement #1.

scavenger hunt

Next, I had to write all the clues for the scavenger hunt....this resulted in some deep concentration, of which I hadn't accounted for either.  My kids love scavenger hunts and I do it for them often, but my family knows that I tend to mess up the clues and my kids frequently come inside and say, "mom, this doesn't make sense.  We can't find the next clue!" With that bit of background information, you can imagine how much time I spent on this to make sure it wasn't messed up. After writing the clues I realized, I need props!!  Quick, Mike, can you build me a tomb in the forest?  I dug
through my linen closet to find something I could fashion into Jesus' garment, cut and old sponge and soaked it in vinegar, and went into the garage to get a hammer and nails (that's harder than it sounds being as our garage is a complete disaster).  Over achievement #2.

dying 126 eggs!

At this point, the family had arrived and they were chomping at the bit to dye the eggs.  I had to set up the table and needed to do it in a way that would allow them to be "creative" but catch all the messes of spilled dye.  I luckily had thought ahead and purchased a disposable table cloth from Target
for $3.00.  So, imagine 12 cups of dye on a table with 6 kids and 126 eggs.  This takes some managing and organization....another skill I had picked up from teaching.  It doesn't sound too bad at this point but add on the fact that I wanted them to all have the opportunity to make Pintrest inspired eggs, so I added rubber bands (of which they couldn't put on the eggs on their own, so I had to do it), gold dust to add (which I failed to remember it needed to be added AFTER the eggs had dried), and the traditional "magic" crayons (but I only had 2, which resulted in a patience building exercise for the kids! ).  Over achievement #3.

confetti egg fight

The activities had commenced and the scavenger hunt was a hit, but took all of 5 minutes. The
confetti egg fight was also enjoyed and much to my dismay only took about 45 seconds.  Four eggs per child wasn't enough and I will tell you that I will not be doing this next year unless I have pre-cut confetti!!

glow in the dark hunt!

Oh, and the glow in the dark egg hunt?  Yes, I forgot about that until 8:00 at night....and I also forgot that you need to stuff the eggs right before the hunt
so the glow in the dark bracelets will still be glowing.  Have you ever tried to stuff a glow in the dark bracelet into a cheap, plastic egg?  Not easy.  It took all of us about an hour to stuff the eggs.  So, our egg hunt happened at 9ish p.m. with children begging us to let them eat the candy from the eggs....wow, didn't think about that.  Over achievement #4.


By the time we got all the kids in bed it was after 11:00, and as I went to sit down for the first time all day, I remember I still needed to prepare 12 Easter baskets.  I screamed in my head the entire time I put the baskets together.

2 baskets for each kid

I awoke Sunday, made breakfast for the 6 kids....don't get excited, I really just handed out bowls and spoons and poured cereal.  We had our Easter Bunny egg hunt outside (positive point: this is the first time in 4 years that we have been able to have the hunt outside due to no rain!!!), and got ready for church.  After church, I looked at my mom and said, "we don't need to have an Easter dinner, right?  Just being together as a family is enough."  So, we nixed the ham, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and sweet rolls.  THANK GOD.  For the rest of the day, we sent the kids outside, and I had the pleasure of cleaning.  It was that night, the kids realized how little time they had actually spent with Mike and I....they required extra cuddling that night.  I didn't mind because I missed them, too. That night, all the kids were so exhausted, they were asleep by 8:30 and I popped some melatonin and followed shortly after.

My lesson has been learned.  No more over achieving for me.  I would have much rather played outside with my kids all day and enjoyed the time as a family.  I would have much rather had energy on Sunday, instead of walking around like mommy zombie.  But I can say, for just this once, it was a fun experience and the smiles on my kids faces was priceless....though I could have produced the same smiles by simply wrestling with them on the trampoline and playing basketball in the driveway.

L to R: Bella, Ella, Annie, Sophia, JT and Ethan