For Life.

I didn't grow up an only child.  I am the only girl and I am the oldest.....by 5 and 7 years.  I remember fighting with my younger brothers; nothing physical, just a lot of screaming and yelling and sometimes name calling.  I remember fighting mostly because I thought they were terribly annoying.  My brothers would purposely say and do things to get me all riled up.  For example, my youngest brother, Andrew would say things (on purpose) that made no sense. The conversation would go something like this:

my brothers and me, 199?

Me: Shotgun!
Andrew: You can't sit in the front.
Me: Why?
Andrew: because this is a van and the seats are blue.
Me: That makes no sense.
Andrew: Yes it does.
Me: No, it doesn't.
Andrew: Yes.  This is a van and the seats are blue, so you can't sit in the front.
Me: Andrew!  That doesn't make any sense!
Andrew: Yes it does.

my brothers and me (with grandpa) 2012

We'd continue fighting back and forth.  I'd get so angry and annoyed that I'd be yelling, while sitting in the front seat, and he would be in the back just laughing and arguing back.  He seriously would do this all the time, about random things, and it would drive me and my other brother, Eric, bonkers.    No matter how annoying I thought they were or how much we argued and fought, if anyone else picked on them, I'd come to the rescue.  I remember several times boys my age would pick on Eric and I'd ream them.  No one was allowed to dish out crap to them except me.

Fast forward 20 years....I now have 3 kids and they pick on each other a million times a day it seems.  Arguments are happening on a moment by moment basis.  They annoy each other, can't stand each other, don't want to sit by each other at the dinner table, call each other "meanies".  Last fall, we had a situation arise that taught us all a good lesson.

My husband and I went out to dinner with our good friends and we decided to hire a babysitter together since our 3 kids and their 4 kids, all got along (and hey, it would save us some money, too!).   For the sake of anonymity, I will call their children by the names of "Joe" and "George". :)  I don't remember the exact issue that arose, but the gist of it was this:  My son Ethan and Joe were playing, teasing the babysitter.  I think they hid something from her?  George is a sweet boy and wanted to tell the sitter where they hid her thing.  He (George) went to tell her and Ethan and Joe, chased him down asking him not to tell.  Once they caught up to him, they tried to hold him back and he tripped (or they could have tackled him...Lord knows they're a bunch of boys)....when he was down, one of the boys sat on him to keep him down and the other pulled his pants down (only pants, not underwear).  George is a 10 year old boy and our sitter was a teenage girl, so he obviously got embarrassed and his feelings were hurt because he had been ganged up on.
When I found out about it later that night, I was incredibly upset at Ethan and had him apologize the next day and ask for George's forgiveness.  When I was talking to my friend about it the next day, each of us giving our children's explanations of the situation, she told me how they handled it.  Her husband had explained the importance of sticking together as brothers.  He told Joe that Ethan may be his best friend now, but that George was going to be his brother for life.  If George was ever to be put in a situation like that, Joe better be the one to stick up for him and stand by him no matter what.

I hadn't ever used those exact words with my kids, nor had I specifically thought of teaching them that, though I somehow expected them to innately know this.  Lesson learned for us....BIG TIME.  Crap....epic fail as a parent.  So, now, that's a common phrase in our house. I'm pretty sure they understood that before hand, but now I just want to be extra sure.

Ethan, Annie & Bella- 2011

*And for those of you wondering, yes, we did have a talk with Ethan in regards to respecting others and boundaries between playing and causing harm to others. :) He's a good boy.  Oh, and we're still friends with "Joe" and "George".