Mom fail #5982: No Baby Book for Annie.

Every year on the kids' birthdays I pull out their baby books or the journals I write them and we look at pictures and talk about when they were babies and the cute, funny things they did and said.  I tell them how big they were when they were born, what time they were born, what some of the first things they did when they were born.  They ask when they first started walking, what their first word was, how they said certain words, who was the most active, who was the best sleeper.....they love it.  I also kept journals of each pregnancy, so I would tell them what I was craving, show them pictures of how big my tummy was and what their heart beat was at each doctor visit.

This year, for Bella and Ethan's birthdays, we pulled them out again....except there was a big boo-boo.  Annie asked, "where's mine?"  Oh CRAP.  Um.....on Facebook?  It didn't even register to me that she didn't have a baby book!!!  I have a pregnancy journal for her, but I think every year, I just show her pictures on Facebook and read her the journal I write to her.  Plus she's the baby and everyone remembers everything about her, so she's inundated with information.  It didn't matter.  She was devastated.  I told her all her baby pictures were on the computer and I even pulled up the album and showed them to her....I thought she seemed satisfied, until she brought me a little notebook with torn out pages and said, "mommy, I tore out the pages I wrote in, so we can make me a baby book."  Oh My GOSH.  EPIC FAIL.  It was the saddest thing I had ever seen!!!

So, I told her we would make her a special baby book.  I then proceeded the save all the pictures from Facebook to my computer (I didn't want to waste the time actually finding them on the computer) so I could upload them to Costco's website and have them printed.  The problem was, this happened in the throws of Bella and Ethan's birthday parties and I didn't have time to upload them, pick them up and go buy a baby book.  This was something I wanted to do with her.....and every day, my little sweetheart would ask me, "is it time to go to Costco yet to get my pictures?".  I've never felt worse as a mother.  Seriously.  I felt like I completely forgot about her, and that's the last thing I've ever wanted one of my children to feel.  I felt so guilty.

Finally working on her baby book!!

When this happened, my friend was here and she's the oldest in her family.  She gave me this look of, "oh crap! That sucks, but it's kinda funny!"  because we all have heard of the 3rd child syndrome or the forgotten child.  It's like it's a running joke in the world.  When you have your first child, you do everything.  You record everything. Every little detail.  Bella has 2 baby books, a scrapbook, a baby calendar, and a journal.  Then the second child comes a long.  You're busier....so there's a little less done.  Ethan only has 2 baby books, one of them isn't fully filled out. (don't ask me why the kids have 2 books? I don't even know.)  And then the 3rd child arrives.....it's typically a bit chaotic.  You no longer have enough arms or bodies to control everyone.  You are out numbered.  So, as we all know, Annie doesn't have a baby book.

It was fun looking at baby pictures. :)

In my defense, when Bella and Ethan were born, the digital age was just coming about and film was still prevalent, so I had to have physical pictures of them.  By the time Annie was born, everything was online.  The only reason I have printed pictures of her is because I want to frame them.  Oh, well.  Let this be a lesson to those of you who haven't reached this point in parenting yet.....don't let it happen!!  And if you're there, go buy a baby book now or have one made online before they realize they don't have one! :)

We finally sat down together and worked on her baby book.  She was in heaven.  We talked about everything....every little detail.  And the best part was that she actually decorated her baby book....with glitter.  What's anything to Annie without glitter?  She cut out all her own photos and glued them in place....picked out the ones she wanted to use, even.  So, this turned out more special that I could have even imagined.  It really was her baby book, and it's also a moment that was redeemed and now she will never forget.  

The Legacy.

I've kept this blog light-hearted.....but today, I'm not, so be prepared.  I'm about to explain why I've been away for the past 3 months. I'll start by giving you my background.

 I have a wonderfully LARGE family. I am fortunate to have so many siblings and parents who are in my life.  I'm the oldest of 8 kids.....3 of us are from Danny and Sherry....I have 2 half brothers from Danny and Jureen....and I have 3 step-siblings from Sherry and Jeff.  The 3 "whole" siblings were also raised by a step-father, I haven't yet mentioned, Terence, who Sherry was married to for 23 years....they didn't have any biological children of their own.  Are you confused yet?  We are America's modern family.  We could be a television show.

family camping circa 198?

I want to focus on my life in the 23 years Terence and Sherry were married.  I was in 4th grade when this life began.  My brothers, Eric and Andrew were 5 and 3.  We lived in Wyoming.  We had a wonderful childhood.  We were a close family.  Like I said before, Terence, we called him Pop, and my mom, didn't have any other biological children together.....we kids were so fortunate.....so blessed to have Pop.  There was never a moment where he was a step-father to us.....he was always Pop. He loved us like a Pop, treated us like a Pop, protected us like a Pop, disciplined us like a Pop.  He was my father.  Just like my biological father.  No different.  I love them both the same.

Fast forward from when I was 9 to when I was 29.....Mike and I made the move from Oklahoma to Washington to be closer to family.  Everyone lived in Gig Harbor.  We had just had our 3rd baby and life was wonderful.  Three months after we moved, our world changed.  It shattered.  My Pop was given a terminal diagnosis of Prostate Cancer.  He survived 3 more years and passed away on August 19th, 2012.....the day before our youngest baby, Annie turned 4.  The images will never leave my mind....my heart will never be the same.....my life will never be the same.

This summer, this August 19th was Pop's 1 year anniversary.  This summer I was a wreck.  I couldn't bring my self to the grips of having to move on with my life.  I thought, "society typically gives people one year grace to grieve, and then says, OK, time to move on......I'M NOT READY.  I DON'T WANT TO MOVE ON!!!!!"  I couldn't imagine my life without my Pop.  He wouldn't be there to see Annie turn 5 and go to Kindergarten.  He wouldn't see Ethan play his first season of tackle football.  He wouldn't see Bella's moving on ceremony from 5th grade.  He wouldn't see any of them graduate

Pop & my kids 2009

from High School or get married or go to Prom or college or have their own babies.  I broke down crying practically every day this summer.  My Pop wasn't here to give me advice when I needed it. When Mike and I needed prayer.  Every day as the anniversary date got closer, I got worse.  I wasn't sleeping, I gained weight, I was anxious.  I called my mom crying every day.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  It was horrible.  Then August 18th came......I started to look on Facebook for a picture of us to put as my profile picture.  As I looked I started to see this life that he built.  This amazing family.   All in just 23 years.  And it extended so much further than just me and my mom and my 2 brothers.  It extended to my husband and our 3 children.....to my brothers and their families.....Then I saw it for the first time.  The LEGACY.  He built this amazing Legacy....and I'm part of it....and then I wasn't heart broken any more....I was blessed.  I wasn't sad any more.....I was thankful.

our ugly sweater family photo 2011

Thank you Pop.  I will miss you everyday, but I will continue to remember and build on what you've taught us and given us.  I love you.