The Legacy.

I've kept this blog light-hearted.....but today, I'm not, so be prepared.  I'm about to explain why I've been away for the past 3 months. I'll start by giving you my background.

 I have a wonderfully LARGE family. I am fortunate to have so many siblings and parents who are in my life.  I'm the oldest of 8 kids.....3 of us are from Danny and Sherry....I have 2 half brothers from Danny and Jureen....and I have 3 step-siblings from Sherry and Jeff.  The 3 "whole" siblings were also raised by a step-father, I haven't yet mentioned, Terence, who Sherry was married to for 23 years....they didn't have any biological children of their own.  Are you confused yet?  We are America's modern family.  We could be a television show.

family camping circa 198?

I want to focus on my life in the 23 years Terence and Sherry were married.  I was in 4th grade when this life began.  My brothers, Eric and Andrew were 5 and 3.  We lived in Wyoming.  We had a wonderful childhood.  We were a close family.  Like I said before, Terence, we called him Pop, and my mom, didn't have any other biological children together.....we kids were so fortunate.....so blessed to have Pop.  There was never a moment where he was a step-father to us.....he was always Pop. He loved us like a Pop, treated us like a Pop, protected us like a Pop, disciplined us like a Pop.  He was my father.  Just like my biological father.  No different.  I love them both the same.

Fast forward from when I was 9 to when I was 29.....Mike and I made the move from Oklahoma to Washington to be closer to family.  Everyone lived in Gig Harbor.  We had just had our 3rd baby and life was wonderful.  Three months after we moved, our world changed.  It shattered.  My Pop was given a terminal diagnosis of Prostate Cancer.  He survived 3 more years and passed away on August 19th, 2012.....the day before our youngest baby, Annie turned 4.  The images will never leave my mind....my heart will never be the same.....my life will never be the same.

This summer, this August 19th was Pop's 1 year anniversary.  This summer I was a wreck.  I couldn't bring my self to the grips of having to move on with my life.  I thought, "society typically gives people one year grace to grieve, and then says, OK, time to move on......I'M NOT READY.  I DON'T WANT TO MOVE ON!!!!!"  I couldn't imagine my life without my Pop.  He wouldn't be there to see Annie turn 5 and go to Kindergarten.  He wouldn't see Ethan play his first season of tackle football.  He wouldn't see Bella's moving on ceremony from 5th grade.  He wouldn't see any of them graduate

Pop & my kids 2009

from High School or get married or go to Prom or college or have their own babies.  I broke down crying practically every day this summer.  My Pop wasn't here to give me advice when I needed it. When Mike and I needed prayer.  Every day as the anniversary date got closer, I got worse.  I wasn't sleeping, I gained weight, I was anxious.  I called my mom crying every day.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  It was horrible.  Then August 18th came......I started to look on Facebook for a picture of us to put as my profile picture.  As I looked I started to see this life that he built.  This amazing family.   All in just 23 years.  And it extended so much further than just me and my mom and my 2 brothers.  It extended to my husband and our 3 children.....to my brothers and their families.....Then I saw it for the first time.  The LEGACY.  He built this amazing Legacy....and I'm part of it....and then I wasn't heart broken any more....I was blessed.  I wasn't sad any more.....I was thankful.

our ugly sweater family photo 2011

Thank you Pop.  I will miss you everyday, but I will continue to remember and build on what you've taught us and given us.  I love you.