I'm not pretty because I don't have blonde hair.

I struggled with my self image all through life.  I don't particularly remember when it started, but I think I became aware, maybe around 4th or 5th grade when my friends and I started to wear bras and go through puberty.  I don't remember being self conscience though.  The first time I remember being self conscience was when I was a senior in high school.  That spring I went from a size 3 to a 5 during track season due to building muscle in my thighs.  I remember feeling devastated.  I also remember being in the weight room around the same time and stepping on the scale and weighing 122 and saying to my friend, who was 116, "uggh.  I'm so fat."  OMG.  I think I would look sick if I weighed 122 today!  I can't even imagine being that small again. 

I struggled with that through college.....floating between a size 3 and 5.  Only feeling good enough if I was the "ideal" size.  There was this girl at the gym at UW.  I would see her there every day and it was obvious she was anorexic.  I remember thinking....geez....that's horrible....she needs to get some help.  Yet, there I was, at the gym every day along side her on the treadmill and though I wasn't struggling as obvious physically as she was, my mindset was the same as hers.  What I looked like wasn't good enough.  I wasn't good enough.
*A little background on me: I wasn't raised in the pageant system and I didn't do sports that required me to stay small and petite.  I didn't have subscriptions to teen vogue and my mom didn't have subscriptions of Cosmo hanging around either.  I'm not saying that these are "causes" of self image but they are certainly stereotypical causes.*

Fast forward 15+ years, I have 2 daughters of my own.  Before I even had Isabelle (my oldest), I vowed I would do everything in my power to raise her so she would not struggle with the same things I did.  These things included:
1. Never saying "I'm ugly or I'm fat."
2. Never talking about going on a diet around her.
3. Never weighing myself around her.
4. When we talk about food, we talk about eating healthy and the purpose of eating healthy and why we don't over eat certain foods.  Not because they'd make us gain weight but because of the million other things they'd do to our body....possible cause of diabetes, toxins in the food, etc.  And all the reasons to eat good foods....antioxidants to fight cancer, protein to help build strong bones and muscles, etc.
5. When we talk about exercise, it's not because we want to lose weight, it's because we want to be healthy on the inside and take care of the bodies we were blessed with.

These things I was very adamant about and made sure I carried them over to my younger daughter, Annie.  As a grown, woman, who has had 3 children, I have the body to show it.  Curvy, some stretch marks and pre-baby weight from Annie but not even close to pre-baby weight of Bella! (haha!)  So, these struggles are ones I still obviously have, but like I said, I am adamant that I not project these insecurities onto my daughters.  I don't want them being 34 and STILL struggling.

With all this said, Annie and I were laying in bed this morning talking.  We were talking about all her little friends she has and that one of them was coming over.  (I will call her friend Sally and for background sake, I have a younger step sister who is 13 with the same name and who really struggles with self image and is very verbal about it.)  Here's how the conversation went:
Annie: Sally is so pretty.  All Sally's are pretty.  Especially big Sally.
Me: Yes.  Sally is pretty.
Annie: I wish I was as pretty as Sally.
Me: You are!  You are beautiful.
Annie: No I am not.  I'm not pretty because I don't have blond hair.
Me:  You don't need blond hair to be pretty.  You are just as pretty as she is.
Annie: not if I don't have make-up on.

Our conversation went on longer, but to make a long story short, I started naming people in her life with brown, black or red hair and asked if they were pretty....all to which she responded, yes. (Maybe I didn't respond right, but I think the brunette inside of me wanted to make a point that we're just as pretty as blonds. ;) ) Then I told her she didn't need make-up to be pretty because Jesus already made her pretty without it and that make-up is just for fun.  Sounds like a conversation I'd be having with a preteen, right.  Nope....she's 4. 

Annie putting eye shadow on @ 15 mo. old.

Chalk this up to another moment in motherhood where my heart broke.  How did this happen?  I've tried so hard to protect her from this, and encourage her and build her self esteem.  I've parented her no different than Bella.  She doesn't have any friends that are a bad influence and I know this because she's still at the age I can control her life....thank God.....can it be like this forever???? :)  Sigh.  What do I do?  I've been on google all morning researching good books and websites, but honestly, they're all aimed at teens and preteens.  What about preschoolers? I know that sounds crazy, but she can't be the only one who is influenced by older cousins, aunts, siblings, etc.  How do you explain this to a little girl whose personality is very princess-y and girly.  Who, from the age of 15 months has loved make-up and jewelry and nail painting. (If you know me or ask anyone who does, make-up isn't an everyday thing for me...so she definitely wasn't under my influence!)  I don't feel the need to take it away because that's part of who she is, but I also want her to understand she doesn't need it to be beautiful.  This is an issue I'm sure Mike and I will be wading through for at least the next 16 years.  I guess I'm happy I realized her personality type is susceptible to it now, so we can walk through it with our eyes open. 

Annie reminds me of the character, Fancy Nancy. :)

Annie chased down the "princesses" at the festival!