Life Isn't Fair, But Mom Is.

Disclaimer:  To keep this light-hearted, I am going to stay away from the harsh realities of fairness in the world, that I know everyone has experienced. <3

Life isn't fair.  This is something we all know and have experienced.  I am going to do some "First World Whining" here....

It's not fair when someone cuts in front of you at Starbucks.
It's not fair that some women don't even have to try to lose their "baby weight".
It's not fair when you go to get the a slice of pizza and the person in front of you grabs the last one.
It's not fair that I have feel like my uterus is exploding every month.
It's not fair that when you order from McDonald's but didn't check your order right away and find out  it's wrong but you're too far away to drive back, so you have to eat it anyway.
It's not fair that I didn't get my mom's side of the family's breast size. 

 From the time we had our second child (Ethan), I had this mindset that everything between our kids  had to be fair and even.  If we got something for Bella, we had to get something for Ethan and vice-versa.   If I was walking through the store and saw something that Ethan would LOVE and I just had to get it for him, I started looking for something for Bella, too because I couldn't come home without something for her.  At Easter, no matter how many eggs you found, we emptied out the baskets and evened out the eggs.....the same for Halloween candy.  At Christmas time, they had the same amount of "santa" gifts, regular gifts and stocking stuffers.  Since their birthdays are only 2 days apart, I always made sure they had the same amount of birthday gifts.  They had the same bedtime, if one kid had a play date, I would make sure the other would, too and if I couldn't get one, either Mike or I would take them to do something special.  We would seriously go out of our way to make sure every thing was even and fair between them.  If grandparents sent gifts, we'd try to control that, too......I know.  I sound really crazy.

I don't know what it was.  I never felt cheated growing up.  In fact for me, it was probably the opposite because I'm the only girl.  If I really think about it, I'm wondering if it's because I was initially worried the other child wouldn't feel as loved and eventually I was worried the other child would feel bad and jealous and I just wanted to prevent a bad situation.  I was trying to "protect" them from a very important life lesson.  I was doing them and injustice.....I wasn't teaching them how to react and learn through the simple fact that life just isn't fair.  You're not always the winner.  You're not always going to be the fastest.  You're not always going to be the star.

I honestly didn't realize this until a few years ago when I was talking with a friend.   She was telling me how they do their Easter egg hunt....in one of the eggs, they put a $1 and who ever finds it, keeps it.  I immediately asked her, how do the kids deal with that?  Her answer was simple.  Life isn't fair, and they are learning that.  At first the kids had a hard time (her kids are the same age as mine) but they explained that's how it was, and didn't say much more.  Eventually, over the years, they've learned.  I even think she said the same son found it 2 years in a row, and the second year he graciously gave it to his brother. :)

The Flying Squirrels 1st win!

Our kids have slowly learned this lesson, especially because they are in sports.  Each year is different.  The last 2 years in basketball, Bella has been on the best teams (undefeated) and has been the star player....but this year, their team only won 2 games and though she was one of the best players on the team, she wasn't the top scorer as she was used to being.  It was definitely a learning season for her.  We watched the entire team of girls go through the season.  At first they were discouraged after the first few games....then when they realized they were playing their best and the teams were just bigger and better, they became happier and continued to try and improve and they never gave up.

 

 

Ethan's football pic

The same thing with Ethan....for the last 2 years, he has played flag football.  His first year, his team was undefeated and he was the top scorer with at least 2 touchdowns per game.  This year his team only lost 2 games and he again, scored every game.  I'm wondering how this fall will go.  It will be his first year to play tackle football and it will be a learning curve.  He will also be one of the smallest on his team.  Hopefully we can help him walk through it gracefully if it turns out to be harder than he anticipates.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I am honest, I haven't made a big change in the fairness arena.  I'm still a bit intimidated by my kids' reactions.  I have though taken any opportunity that arises to talk with them and walk them through situations where life is "giving them lemons".  I've also implemented a chore chart (2 years ago), where they move a spot when a chore is done and when they get to the top (there's 26 spots), they get $5.00.  This has been a good learning tool in fairness.  They see they have to work for it and that we're not showing favoritism.  They understand it.  I suppose lessons will arise time after time and I can just make sure to help them go through it......that way, they can keep the same bedtimes. :) Life's not fair, but mom is. :) 

*I have stopped trying to control the gift giving from relatives, though!

our chore "game"